Captain America is a Homosexual in Spandex
Written by: Master Steve
Written in: Entertainment
No one wants to be Captain America. His dumb ass was born in the days of World War 2. He's a punk bitch and antiquated. If you wanted to be someone who was a hero who kicked ass in the Marvel World your dumb ass should have cited the only acceptable hero possible. Obviously you know nothing of kick ass comics. You should have chosen the Punisher. Although he's more of a vigilante than a hero.
This will be an analytical study on why FistsofCury knows less than not shit.
Lets get on with our analysis
Part 1 Names and Alter Egos:
Captain America is also known as Steve Rogers, what kind of home has two first names. The only thing good about his name is he shares the name with The Master otherwise he would be thought of as a complete homo. Captain America is a pretty stupid hero name. It invokes no fear in the criminal mind.
The Punisher is also known as Frank Castle. Frank a completely American name. Castle a building built on solid strength, plus most castles look kick ass. The Punisher is a name that scares every criminal from the master mind to the thug stealing hubcaps.
Advantage: The Punisher
Part 2 Uniform/Costume:
Captain America wears a spandex suit composed of the Red, White and Blue. From what I gather it is supposed to be fire retardant and is supposed to afford some sort of protection to the wearer. One should also remember since Captain America was a World War 2 Era human being who was frozen in Antarctica and thawed out his costume's protection abilities are on par with 1940s technology, however it's better than nothing I suppose. It looks cool if you happen to be riding a bike on the Tour De France but it's not much for blending in the every day urban jungle Captain America polices, which I believe is New York. He also seems to resemble a roided out ambiguously gay aerobics instructor who takes his job way too serious.
The Punisher wears all black clothing and a kick ass shirt with a big gray skull on it. Need I say more, I think not. Also his clothing is fire proof nomex and he wears current technology body armor, mostly flack or bullet proof vests complete with both trauma plates in front and rear. The vests are state of the art either kevlar or ceramic. No bullet is getting through that. Also the Punisher looks like a mans man. He has kick as hair, chiseled features and a built body, not over built, but enough to kick just about any humans ass into the next life.
Advantage: The Punisher
Part 3 Weapons:
Captain America has a shield, that's it, a fucking shield, its about as inconspicuous as his costume. It's supposed to be impervious, but my guess is, not only could Wolverine slash through it like it was a hot knife through butter, but small arms fire from pesky kids with sling shots could reduce it to a negative protective factor.
Note: the shield is supposed to be an offensive weapon and a defensive tool. How gay. How are you going to protect yourself when you throw your shield at your opponent?
The Punisher has a vast array of weapons. Ranging from small arms to armored personnel carriers and tanks. Any weapon you can think of he probably has it. If you doubt me check any of The Punisher Armory comic issues. You will see I am right and you...you are wrong. Oh did I forget to mention he has these kick ass knives with skulls on them that happened to be balanced for throwing purposes.
Advantage: The Punisher
Part 4 Special Training/Skills:
Captain America is supposed to be a soldier but I think he is an aerobics instructor. However in fairness he displays physical prowess and acrobatics as well the ability to fight. He seems to have rudimentary detective skills as well. Although I was never much on Captain America so I'm not sure what else he might know how to do.
The Punisher is an ex Navy SEAL and an ex Police Detective turned rogue vigilante, he can ruin your shit in an extremely efficient military manner. He's acrobatic, and has physical prowess and is quite the detective. Plus he can blow your shit up and fuck you up horribly badly not good style, and beat you like a slave who isn't producing.
Advantage: The Punisher, due mainly to the fact he's an Ex Navy SEAL
Part 5 Special Powers:
Captain America took the Super Soldier Serum and has super human reflexes, stamina, speed and strength.
The Punisher went through Military Basic training and Navy Seal Special training, he also went through Police Academy Training as well. This makes him an above average human, however if you went through Hell Week, I'm pretty sure you could give Captain America a run for the money as well.
Note 1: Willpower is key and both of these guys have plenty of that to go around.
Note 2: Even though The Punisher lacks super powers, he has battle hardened experience and if we remember the kick ass movie SOLDIER with Kurt Russell, the weaker more intelligent more experienced soldier kicked the shit out of the genetically superior soldier utilizing tactics, intelligence and environment.
Advantage: Tie: The Punisher would snipe Captain America from a roof top as opposed to coming against him face to face. That would be like a midget fighting a Sumo wrestler, where's the sense in that. In the event they fought hand to hand, my guess is The Punisher would lose but would put up a good fight. Therefore, tie.
Part 6 In a killers world who is the killer:
Captain America has killed if I am not mistaken, but it was one of those things where he brought a building down on someone. He's not so much a killer willing to kill, but if pushed to the limit and it was a super villain or something he would probably kill if need be.
The Punisher kills everything that he sees. He punishes those for which the law cannot. The mob killed his whole family, why would he care if he lives or dies. He has killed everyone you can think of. On both sides of justice, from crooked cops to mob dons. He would kill your mom if I presented him with adequate evidence she was an anti patriotic member of AL- Queda.
Advantage: The Punisher
Well, there you have it, in a 6 part comparison The Punisher was totally on top of things. If The Punisher were an augmented human such as Captain America there would be no need to compare. The Punisher is easily the baddest character in the Marvel Universe except for maybe Wolverine who can ruin your shit awesomely. If I were The Punisher and I was an augmented human I would have ruined Captain America's shit along time ago. But I'm not and he ain't so they effectively are on the same side. Except Captain America has to play by rules and The Punisher makes up rules just so he can laugh at people while he breaks them.
Note: Frank Castle died in the Marvel Universe a few years ago. I know this and unless they brought him back he is dead but there have been several Punishers who have come after him.
Note: You should study DC Comics and you should have chosen Lobo or Batman. Batman actually beat Captain America in a fight although I believe it was dubbed a tie for all practical purposes. Check out the Amalgam comics or DC versus Marvel. They also had Green Lantern lose to the Silver Surfer, I am still protesting this. Storm beat Wonder Woman, and The Hulk lost to Superman. Robin beat Jubilee, then he fucked her. Way to go for a guy in tights and named after a bird. Jubilee is a tight piece of ass and she glows in the dark when you blow off in her ass.
The Master, has Spoken
It is written so shall it be