Ok, for all you wannabe religious zealots and bible thumping Jesus freaks, you can all lick the blood on my taint that could only come from the hemorrhoids that were shredded by the quality products at any given fast food establishment. For practical purposes we shall pick Taco Bell. Mainly because that food would give a Mexican the shits for a month. Anyway, back to how you twisted religious freaks can suck taco air out of my poophole and why.

The reason why you can all eat my Taco Bell blood ridden shredded mess of a hemorrhoid infestation I call my ass is very simple. The launch of this 2-hour puddle of crap also known as the Passion of Christ and all the controversy it’s sparking. Ok so you have this guy. Lets call him Jesus Christ, and he's the son of this other guy commonly known as God. So yeah a bunch of people don't like JC so they decide to make him carry a railroad tie around town, mainly to show what a bad ass he is and how he could easily win the strongest man competition. I mean those fags pull buses and lift stones. This is JC we are talking about, he would be bitch slapping those guys and talking mad shit mostly cuz he's the Son of God. He would be able to lift all that heavy shit with his mind like he was a Jedi Knight or something. My guess is Jesus could easily kick the plastic crap right off Darth Vader and deliver him from evil and out of the hands of temptation. Oh and he could easily kick Luke Skywalkers ass as well. Hands down. So yeah this group of people, well for all practical purposes we shall call them Jews. Cuz one time I heard my dad talking about this worthless guy and he called him a Jew. And since my dad is always right about everything I figured you must be pretty fucking worthless if you are a jew. And since only someone who would make the feeble attempt to persecute a guy who could kick Darth Vader’s ass would definitely fit in the category of being jewish, it's only accurate that we call them a jew.

So anyways, we got this group of people and they don't like JC mainly cuz he can ruin peoples shit rough style corrupt. So they decide they are going to parade him around and belittle him and throw poop on him like they did to people coming back from Viet Nam. My uncle was in Viet Nam and he told me those little gook bastards are really crafty and stuff. They would make booby traps out of condoms and leave them in the middle of the road. So when some lucky army guy would be out for a stroll trying to pick up some high quality low price Vietnamese entertainment for the evening he would be like, oh look at what I found I found a condom, now I can have sex and not get....BOOOOOOOOOOOOM. Blown to hell. No good. Wait what the hell. Never mind back to Jesus Christ.

So yeah these people don’t like JC and they humiliate him and make him carry his massive wood all over this city out in the open for everyone to see. And I guess they though he was all embarrassed to have this massive tree trunk he was carrying around getting looked at by all the people, but I mean he's Jesus. Like Duh who cares if my big wood is out for everyone to see. So they make him carry his wood all over and then they nail his as to this chunk of tree right. That's a nice humane thing to do to someone. I mean, they took some spikes and drove them into his flesh. Although now that I think about it, he could have run He could have just busted a move. I mean this guy had the capability to turn water to wine and piss to Molson Triple X. Like he couldn't have just walked out of the city all quiet and stuff. But see I heard it went like this. This other guy, his name was Judas, I guess he called the guy on America's most wanted, and was like I got some info on this crazy crack pot you call Jesus Christ. So basically another Jew set Jesus up. I mean all Jesus was doing was chilling around the fire and drinking his beer and smoking his pot and burning Nag Champa, oh wait. Those were hippies. I don't like hippies much; they usually smell like armpit and dirty diapers and pot. Anyways Jesus is just chilling and telling people to listen to his dad, cuz his dad has all the answers and stuff. And if they do what his dad tells them to do they will go to some cool place and they get to live there forever. This other guy said the same thing. I think his name was Hubbard something. But it costs more money and you have to be cool or something to go to his special place. Probably like going to Cedar Point. You need money and you need to be cool to go to Cedar Point to ride those coaster thingies. So yeah a Jew set Jesus up for chilling by the campfire, you know it's not like our hero JC was trafficking coke out by mule back and what not. All he was doing was teaching people that if they did what they were told and let someone influence their thoughts by reading out of something called the Bible they would lead great lives and then they could go to Cedar Point. So Anyways Jesus gets stuck to a pole because a Jew ratted him out to a bunch of Jews and then the Jews killed Christ. All cuz he was telling us how to get to Cedar Point.

So I guess what I'm trying to get at is pretty uncool to be Jewish. You are responsible for Killing the only man on earth who could tell us how to get to Cedar Point. All I know is that you Jewish people are totally worthless; you are all crying because Mel Gibson makes a movie that we all know how it ends. Big whoopde shit. You're all crying because you think anyone cares that your people could have been responsible for the death of a fictional character that may or may not have lived. No one cares. You're all a bunch of bed wetting pussies. Pontius Pilate was the Roman governor of Judea. So a Roman did it. There you go. No one cares about Jews. If it weren't for government policy, we wouldn't be in the shit we are in. Because of Jews Middle eastern terrorists attacked us. Maybe if you worthless fucks manufactured your own weapons and devices to fight the Palestinians 4000 people wouldn't have died and my way of life wouldn't have been changed. I had it all and I was happy. But because of Jews everything has been taken away from me. I feel just like Jesus Christ. You jews are worthless and you should all try to crucify yourselves on Balsa wood crosses with thumb tacks you egocentric cock smokers.

The Master Has Spoken
It is written so shall it be