So as I was at work taking a horrifyingly great shit. The kind that would make John Wayne proud. I was looking at the walls of the bathroom stall as I was giving birth and I noticed all the misspelled graffiti. Not only were there a multitude of incorrectly spelled words, but grammar was out the window as well. Which leads me to believe that not only are the dockworkers substandard retards, but some of the truck drivers as well. See I work in a shipping and receiving warehouse and I hate it more than I hate mayonnaise. But it's a job for right now and I go there mostly for my own entertainment anymore. I work with a bunch of people who should have by all laws of Darwin been run over by a bus by now. Let's take a minute to talk about my fellow employees I will not refer to them by name as to protect them from their own stupidity, as I doubt they will ever own a computer let alone figure out how to operate a computer, and even if they did, it would most likely be a Commodore 64 or something that lacked any Internet capabilities what so ever. But I will give them nicknames out of fairness.

So without any further delay.

Jimminy Billy Bob: Every time I look at this guy, I think to myself, if I ever have kids I will have Jimminy Bob over for dinner just so they can see what happens to you when you do a lot of drugs. Crack, Pot and Acid have totally fried this guys brain. Which kind of makes drinking a free thing for him. The brain is pretty much useless just there for looks so why not drink yourself into an alcohol related stupor daily to forget how meaningless his life is. I think he told me he's 33, but I doubt he actually remembers how old he is since he has a head full of bad wiring and all. Bob drinks a pot of coffee a day to keep his motor skills on minimum capacity. Without his coffee he is totally worthless, with his coffee he is...well still really worthless. He never has any money and he bums a dollar off me for a cup of coffee daily. I give him this coffee so that he can sort of function and I don't have to be there longer than necessary. Besides it's only a dollar and I would probably spend it on junk food anyway. So I feel I am giving to charity.

He can barely count, he has a hard time reading labels on boxes. These labels have no more than 5 characters, you only have to match a label to the number on the floor, pretty tough huh. Well, for him, looking at a box with a label and matching it to the number on the floor is tough. He is slow with lazy eyes and bad hearing. When we mark the floor with the numbers for the pallets he has to ask me several times what number I just called out, and this is when I tell him last and say it as loud as I possibly can. I had a similar problem the other day when my supervisor called out 3 numbers in a row and I didn't hear him. Not because I am stupid or have a non-operational brain. He's not strong enough to unload the trucks, so he mainly stay outs on the line and picks up the boxes and moves them to their assigned pallets. Slowly might I add. He's rather uncomfortable to be around when on break as he's always mooching a cigarette off someone thank God I am a nonsmoker he's always looking at what ever I might be eating for lunch or having as a snack. I hate this. I don't go staring at people when they are trying to eat.

If I don't have any food or any money on hand to get anything for a snack, I just read a magazine or a paper and worry about eating later. I don't stare at my coworkers with drool coming out my mouth with two blood shot eyes licking my lips as if to beg for a crumb or maybe lick my fingers when I'm done. My cat's don't even do that, they at least have the common decency to come up, and indicate they want some of my yummy delicious slop. They meow, I give them a little bit and they walk off. It's perfect, they get what they want, I'm only losing out on a little bite of food if that and my cats are satisfied. Not Bob. Bob looks at me like a crack addict would look at someone firing up a pipe with a big fat 50 piece in it. It's just disheartening. Once in a while if I have potato chips I will share. I am a nice guy, but I only have so much money and I have even tried to not eat there anymore unless he has a lunch of something to snack on, as I feel rather uncomfortable eating by him. Lovely ain't it. A head full of bad wiring, no money and a life that should end. That is Jimminy Billy Bob's story.

Tyrell: Tyrell is a 40 year old African American Male he looks like he's about 30, I would assume that from working out a lot. He looks like a linebacker but is dumber than shit. He's lazy and slow and can't count. Tyrell likes to come in late and blame it on the white man. He likes to get everyone to do stuff for him. I just put up with it, because I figure if I don't it I'll get some sort of affirmative action lawsuit on my ass. Plus he might shank me or something. Not likely though. He says he owns his own landscaping business and just needs the extra cash. I figured most black guys who need extra cash just sell drugs. But not Tyrell. What else can be said about Tyrell, he's loud, obnoxious, a poor worker, and quite stupid. I think that's about all his good points. I feel bad because this guy is so worthless that he's not even half as fun as thinking about Jimminy Billy Bob and all that guys short comings.

Krusty the Clown: 18 years old and has a curly head of hair. He looks like Krusty the Clown from the Simpsons except his hair is brown with blonde high lights in it. Which leads me to believe he is a fruity ass. So he's like an 18 year old kid. He's not overly strong but smarter than the two previous idiots I have mentioned. I haven't really worked with him too much. But he's basically OK except for his fruity ass looks and shit.

Bi Boy: This would be my supervisor, he likes to drink his life away since he has a shitty life. I would too if I could afford the beer he drinks and in the amount he drinks in. His life pretty much consists of getting up, going to work, leaving work, drinking beer and then repeating the process. The most excitement he's had in a long time came at my birthday party. We were at this quality hillbilly dive bar where a friend of ours was running a karaoke show. He got lit, got hooked up with a hillbilly chick and her friend and then proceeded to see the house from Deliverance and from what I understood met Dr. Satan. What an exciting life he leads. And all my friends think he's at the very least bisexual.

So this is who you get to work with if you just have bad luck in my case or Bi Boy's case. Or if you are Krusty the Clown you get to work here as a decent job as you go to college or something. If you are Jimminy Billy Bob, this is all you can ever hope to attain from life and if you are Tyrell, you should sell drugs or something.

I have applied at several jobs as of late and they all ask me if I have a high school Diploma or GED. My answer is yes I have high School Diploma, I decided it would be better to stay in school and get decent grades and then move on to college, I still have work to do in college but at least I can spell fuck and now when to use our as opposed to are. It's great how are country is just going down the crapper and everyone is falling back behind the rest of the world. Pretty sad when people in Afghanistan are on the move in education and we are just falling down slowly everyday.

It's pretty sad when 6th graders have a greater education than grown adults, but I guess in America you are free to be an under achiever, if that's what you want.

But it's cool to tell everyone you have a GED right. It sounds so much better than I decided to spend a few short years of my time and Graduate from high school.

The Master has Spoken
It is written so shall it be