today sucked. i only tried to kill myself one time today as i had a lot of tests to study for. fuck. i just got totally embarrassed today. i really don’t want to write this, but my friend Cathryn found my old pom-poms from junior high school. i thought i burned those. she laughed and called me a prep bitch. i tried to stab her with my spiky bracelet but slipped and hit my head on the corner of my dresser. i was out for like 2 hours. i guess that doesn’t count as a suicide attempt, but i was pretty close to death.

i hope death comes. i wish and pray at night (to Satan of course) that i stop breathing but i always wake up and i get even more depressed. i hope i get hit by a bus or something, like blood everywhere, body parts flying, the end of life’s endless misery.

i saw some hippies at school today, all laughing and playing greatful dead songs on a guitar. what are they so happy about? besides being high, they have nothing to smile at. they smell bad and look worse. i kept imagining Peter Steele riding an all black horse, killing those hippies, chanting ‘black, black, black number one’ and inviting me to dance on the dead hippy bodies. i would throw black rose petals all over the ground and light those dirty wannabes on fire. i wrote a poem the minute i got home:

a child in a commune named moonbeam
stabbed in the chest……….. i watch you die slowly
hell opens and the dark angel awaits……. miserable sorrow
close my eyes and it all turns to black
hippies shouldn’t get a second chance………………..

i hope you all die before you finish this journal entry.
sorceress sciatica