today i tried to kill myself eight times. I think im getting better at it, I was unconscious for almost 3 hours when I took 45 flinstone vitamins and drank a bottle of nyquil. well, maybe I just fell asleep from the nyquil. my life…….. my life is black, I hate the sun. I put black blankets over my windows to block the rays. i’ve been listening to the ‘dusk and her embrace cd’ for the past couple of days. DANI is so hot, i love him, i want to rape him…

i saw my best friend, cathryn at school, she got a tattoo. it’s a black widow in between her shoulder blades, ooh I want one just like hers, but I have to wait until I turn 18, my mom’s a bitch. she doesn’t understand me, everyday she tries to ‘talk’ to me, telling me to go see a counselor or something. i don’t need help… fuck her, i hope she dies, her and my father, that asshole who doesn’t love me. i hear him say he loves me, but he really doesn’t mean it, they both wish i lived a stupid cheerleader life, had some jock boyfriend, become a stupid conforming bitch likes most of the girls at school.

This is my first journal entry, hopefully one of many. Every entry will finish with one of my exceptional poems:

asphyxiated oblivion

abandoned                         forgotten and in despair

                    in this anguish my thoughts are forever tainted

destruction…. I live for nothing…. Hate and detachment…… desolate.

asphyxiated oblivion

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